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The first rain brought all the leaves to the slick city streets. Halloween yellows and oranges, reds and the pavement's dark mirror.It is an Autumn smell I feel now in this city.The incongruous smells of this season in Washington, DC. Fireplaces alight, the smoke white piped into the thick creamy overcast.Woody smoke.Wet streets.Slap of tires along wet pavement. Drops of water tapping onto the tin of the A/C unit. The rainy Autumn captures every sound. Siting in a coffee shop, listening to recording studio stock smooth jazz, the grinding of th Burr grinder. The rich funk of the Jamaican Blue Mountain. Autumn is richness of smells. The cool kills the garbage in a city and replaces it with a nicer pot pourri. Feces, rotting garbage, urine -- these things are a City in Summer. Where things strive to self destruct and in their absence there is stink, there is stench. There are outdoor rats and yet the cold nip sends all indoors. The reactions are not allowed or slowed and the stink never comes. Or at least not in a quick oppressive breath. In the winter a man smells more fragrant. Can spend more time away from the shower. The pits cloud less with the body's odor. The layers of clothing protect and insulate. Insulation. The insulation of the Autumn. The snuggling of the fabric, the cloth, the skin, the fur again the inefficiency of the body's boiler. The ineffective heating or we have gotten soft from the movement of our body's towards merchant's store, towards the catwalk and the haute couture.

I'd like to write a note to say goodbye. I think our time together has to end.
I used to love you, now I wish you'd die. But maybe someday we can still be friends

And by the way, you have a funny face.
Your stench offends my sense of decency. Your mere existance is a waste of space, not worth the match to burn your effigy.

Your momma doesn't love you, so she said. You have no friends, your dog left town in shame. A coffin gets more action than your bed. Your daddy loathes the moment that he came.

And I can't help but laugh, 'cuz your life sucks. Oh, don't forget, you owe me fifty bucks.

and when the day grinds
as i am alone and lonely
in a place where a girl
presses herself to me
and people call to me and
the sun shines on texas but
it must be the gray it must
be the loathsome gloom, no
light to wake to wake to
make the day come to me like
fireworks to come to me and
lay me astride as pretty latin
women sit arched backed in
white cafe chairs, smoking yellow-filtered
cigarettes, pressing black curls
behind the ear, crossing thighs
licking lips, stroking hair, giggling,
laughing, bending together in
their muted conversation there
on the veranda of the cafe of the cafe
where they gesture and purse their
mouths like bitterness.

a world
saturation point
and the Fat Lady moved uneasily
cross legged
back straight, chin high, eyes closed
the skin brown an buttery
blond hairs on the cheek
downy

happenstance showed me into the opium den where his shirt read, "route 666: highway to hell" for no apparent reason and she sat there shimmering her hair full and down but she was not fertile, she is the decoy, a place for sperm to rot deep within barren chambers. The simmering mirage beside the Source only inches below and the nails would bring it up burbling. swaggering soldiers in the desert. impotent cocks and barren cunts yet all around me 6 months with child with child and yet not mine.

when women tell say, "I am not interested in getting involved with anybody right now," does that mean what it says, does it just mean me, or is it one of those misunderstandings that the sexes share which actually, translated, means: "I like you, but I know boys have a fear of commitment and if I tell you I really like you, you might run away, so I am in fact saying 'i don't want a boyfriend' to placate you when in fact i maybe should have said nothing at all nothing at all nothing at all, really... so instead of getting what I want, instead of you getting what you want, we instead dance the dance and never touch for very long until the parting kiss and then it is too late too late too late and then we both come up empty, or worse."

Am not bitter, it is all just game tokens and I have more than my share. I am writing my screenplay too well, and anne is becoming suspicious for the coincidences are becoming unbearable. She is beginning to see that i am a little bit too willing to go high go low, and i play the neuro net like an infinitely complicated harp the way some people play me... if mark and i were to focus on winning the lottery, who know what would happen?

remember biloxi remember the fun we can have -- wait until powerball hits 20 mil and then send me an email and we'll send the abient light through the ruby through the gas and it will be hardened into a beam into a bean that can cut or can heal like the laser, like prayer like god and we are traveling for the Fat Lady and yes I have finished "Franny and Zooey" and yes the end it what got me and I gave the book onto anne's little sis and bough "Catcher in the Rye" and "F & Z" for Holly and holly is fertility and goddess and I travel for Her, I travel for She and I kissed liz's belly and it is so round and tight and beautiful -- the love I feel for their duo trio is overpowering and I just want to put all of my overactive boiler furnace hyper-hepped battery of energy into her and invoke the sun and infuse gold into the child's veins and see the beauty of the fertile womb in the weak pink limbs of child, hitherto known as junior and i feel it is a boy but then it must be a girl and anne tells me things like "you're so vile, your balls are so big you can barely walk you are a horny puppy you are a freak you are vile you are obsessive you are crazy nuts absurd and i will break her yet from her dressage straight back GI inflexibility and i will break that horse and she will see that even though she may be the first person to have read the 10th insight, she don't know shit and she knows everything but I am taking my time and revealing oh so slowly and yet i am moving too fast and she is getting a little freaked by my "gravity" and its effects on surrounding reality -- she mentions it once every 20 or so minutes and she make a lot of 666 joke about me and then a bunch of Fat Lady jokes and yet by very the very nature of her tubes i am sure nothing she experiences (especially when we hit the epicenter in Asia) will surprise her even if I were to spontaneously start flinging thunder bolts and show her the busted-face dude -- i am a little leery yet to do the eye thing on her, but i was tired the other night and got lazy and week and pinged and she's all good right through and through and she ia heavily guarded and armoured like a T-1, like and Abrams, with reactive armour and she is not bold enough for the uranium shells so she'll have to open her hatch and come out in time in time -- but right now, no to the dizzying dizzying dizzying eyes! Gentle Gentile, good boy. Had a violent dream, beat the shit out of a Yalie who chewed on my turds and he kept on coming back and I was late for a flight away with Mark and my laundry was dirty and this bugger tried my patience and so I continued to pound his head until I woke up to mark, or was it liz or was it who was it...

it looked like this kid we saw in NH @ yale: blue yale baseball hat, shirt tie blazer khakis, bucks -- i tried to appease, tried to ignore, tried to fence, then went red after the turd and pound pound pound and to no avail -- first anxiety dream this trip... posted to alt.alien.wanderers and here I am... sipping a dbl espresso, and preparing to have a martini with liz and then tomorrow i am shooting willow and she will fill me frame with her dizzying body and i will tell her with my detached photog's timbre to arch tour back, lower your chin, look to the side, tippy-toe, turn your shoulders toward me, put, part your lips, reapply lipstick, make your eyes darker, brush your hair, make love to the camera and all that shit and she will writher and turn and shimmer and glow and her lips will be wet and her eyes pools and her hair luxuriant and her skin smooth and her toes will be little pearls and the shape of her breasts will be buoyant and he hips will flair and her flesh will press and, as always, gravity will ignore her and she will be red appropriately and brown when she needs to be and pink where it matters and the e-6 will eat her up and add a flattering 10#s to her waif's frame. the little crescent of her navel will make love to the n90s...